{"id":442,"date":"2022-03-08T11:07:33","date_gmt":"2022-03-08T11:07:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/212.48.94.33\/laurenceroman.co.uk\/?page_id=442"},"modified":"2023-04-13T18:13:18","modified_gmt":"2023-04-13T17:13:18","slug":"mates-a-play-with-music","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/?page_id=442","title":{"rendered":"Mates – a play with music"},"content":{"rendered":"

Book and lyrics by Laurence Roman<\/strong>
\n Music by A R Cox<\/strong>
\n Additional music by Laurence Roman<\/strong><\/p>\n

Characters:<\/strong> REG
\nLOUISE – REG\u2019s wife
\nSTU – their friend
\nISABEL WALKER – a journalist<\/p>\n

[The action takes place on the ground floor of REG and LOUISE\u2019s house. We can see some of the garden. Before the front door there is a small, family saloon car. The house is ex-council – pebble-dash, metal window frames, lots of white gloss-paint. The garden is crazy-paved. There are one or two bald rose-bushes and jardini\u00e8res containing stunted, browning conifers. The sitting room contains a newish, inexpensive three-piece suite, a large coffee-table and a television set. The only decoration is wall-mounted jigsaw-puzzles, as large and fussy as possible: The Laughing Cavalier, The Kodokan Gate, a sports-biker in all-in-ones negotiating a tight bend – all fragmentary elements (as it will turn out) of REG\u2019s past life. The floor is carpeted inexpensively in thick-pile, on which there is a pale-coloured rug. On the coffee-table there is another incomplete jigsaw-puzzle. Through the upstage door of the sitting room we can see the hall with stairs leading to the first floor. The kitchen is equipped predictably: mass-produced units, a cooker, sink and so forth. Everything is meticulously clean and tidy.]
\nMusic 1: OVERTURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

[We hear the sound of a motorcycle accident cut across the OVERTURE. The music stops abruptly. Blackout. We see REG, tightly lit, sitting in his wheelchair.]<\/p>\n

Music 2: THE WAY THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN<\/strong><\/p>\n

REG: I\u2019VE GOT OVER ALL MY ANGER,
\nI\u2019VE ACCEPTED ALL MY PAIN.
\nI JUST WISH WE\u2019D BOTH BEEN BRAVE ENOUGH
\nTO SPLIT UP AND START AGAIN.
\nWE WERE BLOWING FADING EMBERS,
\nTRYING TO COAX A FEEBLE FLAME;
\nMOVING CHESSMEN TRAPPED IN STALEMATE,
\nNEVER DARING TO ADMIT WE\u2019D BLOWN THE GAME.<\/p>\n

I\u2019VE GOT OVER FEELING BITTER, I\u2019VE GOT OVER BLAMING YOU.
\nI KNOW YOU TRIED TO MAKE THINGS WORK
\nAND, GOD KNOWS, I TRIED TOO;
\nAND I HOPED THAT WE COULD, MAYBE,
\nREAP A BIT OF WHAT WE\u2019D SOWN,
\nBUT I NOW CRY LIKE A BABY
\n\u2018CAUSE I REALISE I HOPED IT ON MY OWN.<\/p>\n

SO THE TIME HAS COME TO STOP AND LOOK AROUND US
\nAND TO DARE TO STARE DIRECTLY AT THE SCENE;
\nTHE FRAGMENTS OF OUR SHATTERED LIVES SURROUND US,
\nAND WHICHEVER WAY WE TURN
\nWE MUST WATCH THE PICTURE BURN
\nOF THE PROMISE OF THE WAY THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN.<\/p>\n

BUT I STILL REMEMBER GOOD TIMES,
\nAND I HOPE THAT YOU DO TOO,
\nLIKE THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU NEEDED ME
\nAND THAT I NEEDED YOU;
\nOR A HAPPY SEASIDE MEMORY
\nOF WALKING HAND IN HAND,
\nEATING ICE CREAMS IN THE SUNSHINE,
\nOR, BY MOONLIGHT, MAKING LOVE UPON THE SAND.<\/p>\n

BUT THE TIME HAS COME TO STOP AND LOOK AROUND US
\nAND TO DARE TO STARE DIRECTLY AT THE SCENE;
\nTHE FRAGMENTS OF OUR SHATTERED LIVES SURROUND US,
\nAND WHICHEVER WAY WE TURN
\nWE MUST WATCH THE PICTURE BURN
\nOF THE PROMISE OF THE WAY THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN.<\/p>\n

[REG begins doing arm-exercises with weights. The television is on. LOUISE and STU have just got out of the car.]<\/p>\n

STU: Thanks for picking me up.
\nLOUISE: That\u2019s okay. It\u2019s too far to walk. Shit, I\u2019ve forgotten the tea bags.
\nSTU: You\u2019re looking great. Lost weight.
\nLOUISE: Have I?
\nSTU: Yeah. Suits you.
\nLOUISE: Must be stress.
\nSTU: Your boss still giving you a rough time?
\nLOUISE: He\u2019s not my boss he\u2019s my \u2026
\nSTU: [chiming in] \u2026 he\u2019s your supervisor.
\nLOUISE: Well he is. There\u2019s a difference.
\nSTU: Sorry. I\u2019m glad you invited me.
\nLOUISE: It was Reggie\u2019s idea. For the interview. The Sunnyside Project.
\nSTU: I\u2019m bricking it.
\nLOUISE: The journalist was really nice. Said she\u2019d keep it informal. You have got your judo stuff, haven\u2019t you?
\nSTU: [indicating his sports bag] Right here.
\nLOUISE: For the photos.
\nSTU: Does Reg – suspect anything?
\nLOUISE: About what?
\nSTU: Us.
\nLOUISE: Not about you.
\nSTU: Thanks.
\nLOUISE: For what?
\nSTU: Not telling him.
\nLOUISE: Why should I have? It\u2019s my problem now. We\u2019d best go in; he\u2019ll have
\nheard the car.
\nSTU: Why does he want me here?
\nLOUISE: You were his best friend.
\nSTU: I won\u2019t know what to say.
\nLOUISE: He looks perfectly normal.
\nSTU: I don\u2019t mean that. I mean the journalist.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019ll be fine. Come on. Don\u2019t forget your bag.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE opens the front door and she and STU go in. He holding his sports bag.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: [calling] Hi, love! We\u2019re here.
\nREG: Took your time didn\u2019t you?
\nSTU: [calling] Hi, Reg.
\nREG: [turning off the television with the remote-control] Stu, you old bugger!
\nSTU: [to LOUISE] Where shall I put my bag?
\nLOUISE: Oh, just dump it.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE enters the sitting-room, kisses REG and puts the car-keys on the table.]<\/p>\n

REG: Hello, love.
\nLOUISE: [leaving] I\u2019ll get tea.
\n[LOUISE goes into the kitchen.]<\/p>\n

STU: [entering the sitting-room] Reg.
\nREG: Bloody good to see you, mate. How the hell are you?
\nSTU: Not bad. You?
\nREG: [extending his hand] Never felt better. [as STU takes his hand] Don\u2019t
\nworry, it won\u2019t fall off.
\nSTU: [shaking REG\u2019s hand] Great to see you too.
\nREG: Sit down, mate. How\u2019s things?
\nSTU: Can\u2019t complain. You\u2019ve been out in the sun.
\nREG: What?
\nSTU: Got a tan.
\nREG: Holiday in Bermuda. Gin Daiquiris. Fit birds. Lovely.
\nSTU: All right for some.
\nREG: I wish. UV treatment twice a week. For my psoriasis.
\nSTU: You home for good now?
\nREG: Still go back for check-ups. They\u2019ve got to monitor my progress.
\nSTU: Just routine, though?
\nREG: I wouldn\u2019t miss a good monitoring for the world. Those nurses \u2013 hands like velvet.
\nSTU: Dirty old sod!
\nREG: Jealousy will get you nowhere, me old son. Ever had a bed-bath? [He
\nmakes an obscene sound.]
\nSTU: You haven\u2019t changed.
\nREG: Not me. I reckon one of them nurses fancies me. The places she thinks of to test my reflexes; shouldn\u2019t be allowed.
\nSTU: No wonder they discharged you. Bloody menace.
\nREG: Nothing wrong with me, mate. Fit as a fiddle.
\nSTU: So, what\u2019s with this interview?
\nREG: Local rag. The Sunnyside Project. Some bird\u2019s doing a report on local
\nheroes braving it through adversity.
\nSTU: Oh yeah?
\nREG: Her words, not mine. Reckons people\u2019ll want to read about me.
\nSTU: Reckon they will.
\nREG: Nah. Doing it for Louise; keep her happy. Her idea.
\nSTU: Where do I fit in?
\nREG: You, me old son, are my big success story. One of Reg\u2019s lads.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll do my best.
\nREG: You made yourself pretty bloody scarce.
\nSTU: I didn\u2019t know how you were with visitors.
\nREG: I don\u2019t bite.
\nSTU: Sorry.
\nREG: \u2018Phone call, maybe, once in a while. Wondered how you were.
\nSTU: I\u2019m fine.
\nREG: Good for you, mate. I\u2019ve missed you.
\nSTU: I\u2019ve missed you too.
\nREG: Still go out much?
\nSTU: Not really.
\nREG: That\u2019s what I miss most: going out.
\nSTU: We had a laugh or two.
\nREG: Pictures. Pub. Hospital\u2019s shit.
\nSTU: You\u2019re out now.
\nREG: Too bloody right.<\/p>\n

Music 3: TOO BLOODY RIGHT<\/strong><\/p>\n

STU: BURNING AROUND THE TOWN AT NIGHT.
\nPLENTY TO DO,
\nTEN UNTIL TWO.<\/p>\n

REG: LIVING YOUR LIFE BY NEON LIGHT.
\nPEOPLE TO SEE,
\nPLACES TO BE.<\/p>\n

BOTH: RIGHT THROUGH FROM NINE TILL FIVE
\nYOU DO AS PEOPLE SAY,
\nBUT THEN YOU COME ALIVE
\nAS EVENING BRINGS THE DAWNING OF YOUR DAY.<\/p>\n

REG: TOO BLOODY RIGHT, MATE!<\/p>\n

STU: CATCHING LAST ORDERS DEAD ON CUE;<\/p>\n

REG: DONER KEBAB<\/p>\n

STU: HOP IN A CAB<\/p>\n

REG: CHECK OUT THE ODEON, SEE WHAT\u2019S NEW:<\/p>\n

STU: STARSHIP ATTACK.<\/p>\n

REG: NINJA IN BLACK.<\/p>\n

BOTH: A THOUSAND FAMOUS PLACES
\nFLASH ACROSS THE SCREEN.
\nA THOUSAND FAMOUS FACES;
\nALL THOSE PEOPLE YOU\u2019D HAVE RATHER BEEN.<\/p>\n

STU: TOO BLOODY RIGHT MATE!<\/p>\n

HANGING AROUND AN ALL-NIGHT BAR
\nSHARING A JOKE,
\nHAVING A SMOKE.<\/p>\n

REG: TALKING ABOUT THE WAY THINGS ARE;
\nLETTING YOUR MIND
\nSLOWLY UNWIND.<\/p>\n

BOTH: THE LIGHT-SHOW AND THE BLARING
\nMUSIC CLOUD YOUR BRAIN.
\nTHE DRINKING STOPS YOU CARING
\nIT WILL SOON BE DAYLIGHT ONCE AGAIN.<\/p>\n

STU: TOO BLOODY RIGHT MATE!<\/p>\n

BOTH: STAGGERING HOME AT THREE OR FOUR;<\/p>\n

REG: SINGING OFF KEY,<\/p>\n

STU: LOUD AS CAN BE.<\/p>\n

REG: FINALLY FINDING YOUR OWN FRONT DOOR;
\nFIGHT WITH THE LOCK,
\nTOO LATE TO KNOCK.<\/p>\n

BOTH: YOU CLAMBER UP TO BED
\nAFRAID OF FALLING DOWN.
\nNEXT DAY YOUR POUNDING HEAD
\nREMINDS YOU OF YOUR NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN.<\/p>\n

STU: A few nights out with the lads\u2019ll put you right.
\nREG: I\u2019m bloody counting on it, mate. You must be training hard.
\nSTU: On and off.
\nREG: County Championships soon.
\nSTU: Too soon.
\nREG: Getting twitchy, eh?
\nSTU: My groundwork\u2019s shit.
\nREG: So what\u2019s new?
\nSTU: That wanker, Stokes, mashed me in the semis.
\nREG: He\u2019s a big boy. Wazari?
\nSTU: Ippon.
\nREG: Still, you\u2019re through to the finals, eh?
\nSTU: Just.
\nREG: \u201cJust\u201d is good enough.
\nSTU: Luck.
\nREG: We all need a bit of that, me old son. [shouting] Lou, chuck us a cup of
\ntea.
\nLOUISE: [shouting] We haven\u2019t got any. You\u2019ll have to have coffee; I forgot the
\ntea bags.
\nREG: For God\u2019s sake, love; get your act together. [to STU] You\u2019d think I was
\nasking for blood.
\nSTU: Must be nice having time on your hands.
\nREG: I fill my days. Weights mainly. You?
\nSTU: Usual.
\nREG: \u201cAll work and no play \u2026\u201d
\nSTU: So they say.
\nREG: What\u2019s new at the dojo?
\nSTU: Not a lot. Don\u2019t get down that often. Couple of times a week if I\u2019m lucky.
\nREG: Slacking. Passed your second dan yet?
\nSTU: Don\u2019t ask.
\nREG: Do I smell a cock-up?
\nSTU: Could say that. Buggered the groundwork.
\nREG: Plonker. When\u2019s the next grading?
\nSTU: Don\u2019t know. Might give it a miss this time round.
\nREG: Come off it, mate. You\u2019ll breeze it.
\nSTU: They\u2019ve got it in for me – Steve and that other sensei. You know, the
\nblonde bloke with the \u2018tache.
\nREG: I thought you stuffed up the groundwork.
\nSTU: It wasn\u2019t that bad.
\nREG: You\u2019ll get it next time; you\u2019ve just got to pull your finger out.
\nSTU: We\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE enters.]
\nLOUISE: You two okay out here?
\nREG: \u2018Course we are. Come and give your old man a smack.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019ve had one already.
\nREG: Who\u2019s counting?
\nLOUISE: [going to kiss him] I\u2019ve got to get tea. Clear the place up.
\nREG: What\u2019s there to clear up? It\u2019s spotless.
\nLOUISE: They\u2019ll be taking pictures.<\/p>\n

[REG grabs LOUISE and bites her neck. She squeals.]<\/p>\n

Reggie, for God\u2019s sake! You are an idiot.
\nREG: [letting her go] You love it!<\/p>\n

[REG makes a final growling lunge at LOUISE.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Ow! Don\u2019t be so rough, Reggie.
\nREG: Sorry, it\u2019s that arse. I can\u2019t help myself.
\nLOUISE: Hands off! I found you a tea-bag.
\nREG: Blinding. Give us a kiss.
\nLOUISE: [leaving] You must be joking.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE leaves to the kitchen.]<\/p>\n

REG: I hope you\u2019re taking good care of Diane. That girl\u2019s a diamond.
\nSTU: Things are a bit up in the air right now.
\nREG: You sad bastard. You stuffed that up too?
\nLOUISE: [calling from the kitchen] Do you both like rosemary?
\nREG: [calling] Depends on her measurements.
\nSTU: She says she needs some space.
\nREG: Ah, the beginning of the end. You\u2019re letting yourself go, me old son;
\nfailed your grading, lost your bird. You\u2019re meant to be my big success
\nstory.
\nSTU: I\u2019m doing okay.
\nREG: Given up shaving?
\nSTU: [feeling his face] It\u2019s what\u2019s in right now. Rugged style.
\nREG: It looks like shit.
\nSTU: What is this?
\nREG: It does.
\nSTU: Leave off!
\nREG: I\u2019m getting worried about you.
\nSTU: I\u2019m fine.
\nREG: Take your word for it. Pity about the judo, though. You could be
\nokay.
\nSTU: We\u2019ll see. Tell you the truth, I\u2019m not that bothered any more.
\nREG: It\u2019s criminal, wasting yourself like this. Look at you.
\nSTU: I don\u2019t need this.
\nREG: Mustn\u2019t take it to heart. Just your old trainer having a go.
\nSTU: I\u2019m snowed under. New overtime rota.
\nREG: Life in Accounts hotting up, then? Listen, mate, you want time, you make time.
\nSTU: That\u2019s easy for you to say.
\nREG: Depends how you look at it, really. I\u2019ve got all the time in the world.
\nSTU: I didn\u2019t mean it like that.
\nREG: You could be a champion.
\nSTU: I could be my arse.
\nREG: Have it your way. Your loss.
\nSTU: Reg, you can\u2019t blame me for what I can\u2019t do.
\nREG: Don\u2019t talk to me about not being able to do things.
\nSTU: I\u2019m not what you think I am.
\nREG: You could be if you wanted.
\nSTU: But I don\u2019t want.
\nREG: One of Reg\u2019s lads? I don\u2019t think so.
\nSTU: I\u2019m not sure this was such a good idea, Reg. I\u2019m pissing you off.
\nREG: Yep.
\nSTU: Shall I ask Louise for a lift to the station?
\nREG: Please yourself.
\nSTU: I\u2019m in the way.
\nREG: Don\u2019t expect me to beg.
\nSTU: Do you want me to stay?
\nREG: You know what? Piss off!<\/p>\n

Music 4. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT\u2019S LIKE FOR ME?<\/strong><\/p>\n

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT\u2019S LIKE FOR ME, MATE,
\nWATCHING THE WORLD GOING BY MY CHAIR?
\nPILLOCKS LIKE YOU ARE A SIGHT TO SEE, MATE
\nWINGEING AND WHINING THAT LIFE\u2019S NOT FAIR.<\/p>\n

STU: AND JUST WHAT THE HELL AM I MEANT TO DO, MATE,
\nAND JUST WHAT THE HELL AM I MEANT TO SAY?<\/p>\n

REG: I\u2019M NOT AFTER SYMPATHY, NOT FROM YOU, MATE;
\nI DOUBT IF I\u2019D GET ANY ANYWAY.<\/p>\n

STU: I DARE SAY WHEN YOU ASKED ME ROUND,
\nYOU THOUGHT US FRIENDS WHO SHARED A PAST,
\nBUT TIME CAN TRAMPLE COMMON GROUND
\nAND FRIENDSHIPS ALTER. THINGS DON\u2019T LAST.<\/p>\n

REG: LISTEN, MATE, I\u2019D SAY THAT THAT DEPENDS
\nON WHAT YOU MEAN BY \u201cFRIENDS\u201d,
\nI FOUGHT YOUR BATTLES RAIN OR SHINE,
\nTOO BAD YOU WEREN\u2019T SO KEEN ON MINE!<\/p>\n

STU: AND JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, MATE,
\nAND JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?<\/p>\n

REG: TRY LYING IN HOSPITAL DAY ON DAY, MATE,
\nWILLING YOUR BODY TO FEEL OR MOVE.<\/p>\n

STU: SURELY YOU DON\u2019T WANT TO WALLOW
\nIN MY PITY; NOT YOUR STYLE.
\nSURELY YOU DON\u2019T WANT SOME HOLLOW
\nPLATITUDE OR EMPTY SMILE.<\/p>\n

REG: ONCE THEY\u2019VE ALL AGREED UPON
\nTHE FACT THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU –
\nYOUR WALKING DAYS HAVE BEEN AND GONE –
\nTHEN YOU CAN PITY YOURSELF TOO.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE enters.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: I CANNOT BELIEVE, AFTER MONTHS APART,
\nTHE FIRST THING THE PAIR OF YOU DO IS FIGHT;
\nFIVE MINUTES TOGETHER\u2019S ENOUGH TO START
\nYOU WINDING EACH OTHER UP GOOD AND TIGHT.
\nSTOP YELLING, IT\u2019S DRIVING ME ROUND THE BEND!
\nMY GOD, IT\u2019S HIGH TIME THAT YOU BOTH BEGAN
\n[to STU] IN YOUR CASE BEHAVING MORE LIKE A FRIEND
\n[to REG] IN YOUR CASE BEHAVING MORE LIKE A MAN.
\n[to STU] I NEVER THOUGHT WE\u2019D SEE THE DAY
\nWHEN WE COULD NOT RELY ON YOU.
\nMOST OF HIS FRIENDS HAVE GONE THEIR WAY
\nAND NOW, IT SEEMS, YOU\u2019LL LEAVE HIM TOO.
\n[to REG] BUT AS FOR YOU, I DIDN\u2019T THINK
\nTHAT ONE DAY YOU\u2019D TURN OUT TO BE
\nTHIS FEEBLE LITTLE MAN WHO\u2019S SINK
\nAS LOW AS SCROUNGING SYMPATHY.<\/p>\n

REG: WHAT THE HELL\u2019S IT GOT TO DO
\nWITH YOU?<\/p>\n

STU: CALM DOWN, MATE!<\/p>\n

REG: [to STU] WHO ASKED YOU?
\n[to LOUISE] A BLOODY CUP OF TEA CAN\u2019T TAKE
\nTHIS LONG!<\/p>\n

LOUISE: [covering her face] SHUT UP FOR JESUS\u2019 SAKE!<\/p>\n

[Pause.]<\/p>\n

REG: LISTEN, LOVE, PLEASE, I MEANT NO HARM,
\nSO COME AND LET ME GIVE YOU A KISS.
\nI MEAN IT, I\u2019D SOONER GIVE MY RIGHT ARM
\nTHAN KNOW THAT WE\u2019D FINALLY COME TO THIS.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE and REG kiss. She returns to the kitchen.]<\/p>\n

You still here then?<\/p>\n

STU: The interview.
\nREG: Stuff the interview. Do what you want.
\nSTU: I don\u2019t want this.
\nREG: [sighs] Neither do I.
\nSTU: Reg, I appreciate what you said. About me doing judo.
\nREG: Your business.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll get back into training; go for my second dan.
\nREG: You do that.
\nSTU: This is no win, isn\u2019t it? I can\u2019t say a thing right.
\nREG: There\u2019s nothing wrong with shutting up if you\u2019ve got nothing to say. Turn the box on if you\u2019re bored.
\nSTU: I\u2019m not bored.
\nREG: Leave it then.<\/p>\n

[Pause.]<\/p>\n

STU: D\u2019you mind if I do?
\nREG: What?
\nSTU: Turn the box on.
\nREG: You trying to drive me mental?
\nSTU: Keep your pants dry. You got satellite? MTV?
\nREG: Nothing but the best.<\/p>\n

[STU goes to the television and starts pressing buttons. Nothing. He twiddles a couple of knobs. Nothing. He bangs the television sharply with his hand. Nothing. Again. Nothing.]<\/p>\n

Anything wrong?<\/p>\n

STU: [thumping the set again] No.
\nREG: Try kicking the screen.
\nSTU: How do you switch this thing on.<\/p>\n

[REG presses the remote control next to him. The television goes on.]<\/p>\n

Bastard.<\/p>\n

[The scene appears to freeze. The television flickers as the two men watch, and LOUISE steps forward and addresses the audience directly.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: We\u2019ve got a north-facing garden. You don\u2019t fully appreciate what that
\nmeans until you\u2019ve got one yourself. It\u2019s one of those details, like damp and bad pointing, that estate agents hide behind sunny bedrooms and a lovely bright kitchen. Except you can fix damp and bad pointing. Not a north-facing garden. If you hang washing out on the brightest summer\u2019s morning, you bring it in the same evening still clammy. Nothing grows. I\u2019ve tried. Hardy perennials – forget it. The only stuff that takes out there is weeds – and plants that look like weeds: ivies, ferns. Nothing with a bit of colour. Nothing worth planting, really. When Reggie was in hospital I\u2019d sometimes stand out there and listen. Birds. Kids. The ice-cream van.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE hums a few bars of The Bluebells of Scotland.]<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what it plays: The Bluebells of Scotland; except we don\u2019t get bluebells. Too dark. My plant-book says they should grow. Not in our garden. Nothing does, except ivy and bindweed. Last year I bought a couple of deck-chairs. Silly really; you try and tempt the sun in. They just looked depressing – useless – you\u2019d never want to sit out there. In the end I gave them to Oxfam. The lady was really pleased – nearly new. I\u2019ve tried Love-in-a-mist, Bleeding heart. Lily-of-the-valley. They\u2019ll survive one year, but never a second. It\u2019s not worth having a north-facing garden. Just a hassle.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE returns to the kitchen and the scene springs back to life again. We hear the sound of a televised popsong. During the next song, REG and STU speak over the television. Their conversation, while appearing to continue, should not audibly interfere with LOUISE\u2019s singing.]<\/p>\n

Music 5: EACH PRECIOUS MOMENT<\/strong><\/p>\n

POPSTAR: EACH PRECIOUS MOMENT
\nTHAT I THINK OF YOU I FEEL SO GOOD INSIDE;
\nIT\u2019S THAT SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE YOU JUST CAN\u2019T HIDE.
\nWE WILL BE TOGETHER ALWAYS, JUST US TWO;
\nIT\u2019S TIME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.<\/p>\n

[Over which REG and STU have the following conversation.]<\/p>\n

STU: \u2018Kin\u2019 \u2018ell! Look at the tits on that!
\nREG: Nice little handful.
\nSTU: Wouldn\u2019t chuck her out of bed in a hurry.
\nREG: You\u2019re all mouth, mate. Do yourself a favour; patch it up with Diane.
\nSTU: I\u2019m not sure she\u2019s right for me.
\nREG: Better get busy, then. The world\u2019s full of birds. Give \u2018em a flash of your black belt, mate. Know what I mean?
\nSTU: That\u2019s not my way. I\u2019ve got to fancy a girl.
\nREG: So where\u2019s the problem?
\nSTU: All the women I know are married or engaged.
\nREG: You\u2019ve never let that bother you before.<\/p>\n

[Then LOUISE sings:]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: HEAVEN HELP ME, WHAT HAVE I COME TO?
\nENDLESS DAYS OF LIVING A LIE;
\nNOTHING TO HOPE, NOTHING TO TRY.
\nI DIDN\u2019T HAVE A CLUE WHERE I WAS HEADED BEFORE
\nI\u2019D LET THINGS GO TOO FAR AND I SAW
\nI\u2019D NO WAY BACK, NOT ANYMORE.<\/p>\n

[Dialogue starts over the song as before.]<\/p>\n

POPSTAR: EACH PRECIOUS MOMENT
\nTHAT YOU SPEAK THE TENDER WORDS I LOVE TO HEAR
\nLIFE IS SUDDENLY SO EASY AND SO CLEAR.
\nI HAVE NEVER FELT ANOTHER LOVE AS TRUE;
\nIT\u2019S TIME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.<\/p>\n

REG: [calling] Lou! Hey, Lou!
\nLOUISE: [calling from the kitchen] Yes?
\nREG: What are you making out there? Gone With the bloody Wind?
\nLOUISE: Won\u2019t be long now.
\nREG: Move it, love; we\u2019re starving.
\nSTU: Give her a break, Reg.
\nREG: [to STU] It\u2019s the only way to get anything to eat round here. [calling
\nagain] Lou, chuck us a couple of biscuits.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019ll ruin your appetite.
\nREG: Appetite? Bloody malnutrition, more like.
\nSTU: Best be patient.
\nREG: Not much choice.<\/p>\n

[and then:]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: HEAVEN HELP ME, WHAT HAVE I COME TO?
\nALL I WANTED WAS TO FEEL WARM;
\nJUST A KIND WORD – CALM IN A STORM –
\nMAYBE A SMILE. IT WASN\u2019T MEANT TO LEAD ANYWHERE;
\nI\u2019D NO IDEA THIS WHOLE THING WOULD FLARE
\nINTO SOME MAD SECRET AFFAIR.<\/p>\n

[Dialogue as before.]<\/p>\n

POPSTAR: EACH PRECIOUS MOMENT
\nTHAT YOU TRAP ME IN THIS GORGEOUS FANTASY,
\nBABY, I JUST HOPE YOU\u2019LL NEVER SET ME FREE.
\nIN YOUR EYES I READ LOVE\u2019S MYSTERIES ANEW;
\nIT\u2019S TIME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.<\/p>\n

REG: You know, she\u2019s not really singing.
\nSTU: Who cares with jugs like that?
\nREG: They just mime. It\u2019s a total con.
\nSTU: Look at those geysers with her.<\/p>\n

[STU pejoratively mimes a bit of dance-routine.]<\/p>\n

Bunch of bloody benders. Mind you, if I could have her on my lap I\u2019d wear a gold bloody jockstrap too.
\nREG: What\u2019s with all the macho crap? Doesn\u2019t suit you, mate.
\nSTU: For Christ\u2019s sake, stop criticising me.
\nREG: Just be yourself.<\/p>\n

LOUISE: HEAVEN HELP ME, WHAT HAVE I COME TO?
\nHE SEEMED SO CONTENTED AND FREE –
\nDIDN\u2019T NEED LOVE – DIDN\u2019T NEED ME –
\nSO CONFIDENT, BUT IN HIS WAY, HE WANTED ME NEAR,
\nHE CALLED TO ME, BUT I DIDN\u2019T HEAR;
\nI THOUGHT I\u2019D GOT EVERYTHING CLEAR.
\nHE SEEMED SO ASSURED AND SO STRONG,
\nI READ THE SIGNALS TOTALLY WRONG;
\nWHEN IN FACT HE CARED ALL ALONG.<\/p>\n

REG: D\u2019you want to watch this?
\nSTU: I\u2019m easy.<\/p>\n

[REG presses a button on the remote control. The programme changes. Again the scene freezes with the two men watching television as LOUISE addresses the audience.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: I know what you\u2019re thinking. What did she ever see in him? You\u2019ve got to imagine him as he was. Mum lives on a really nice estate. Larch
\nAvenue. We don\u2019t see much of her these days; but that\u2019s another story. Reggie did our windows. I wish you\u2019d seen him then. You\u2019d understand. I mean, there\u2019s no use pretending – I fancied the pants off him. It was one summer. Mum had paid him to do the whole house. Reggie was in his shorts, whistling something off the radio. He whistled really nicely – some blokes do that – really musical, with little trills and decorations. \u2018Course, if you ask them, they say they don\u2019t know they\u2019re doing it; but they do. They must do. I took him a cup of tea. He was a real charmer. Chatty. Kind. I was at College at the time; well – Secretarial School. The Cosgrove Academy of Commerce. Mum\u2019s idea. Reggie was really impressed. I went indoors and tried to concentrate on my homework, but I kept hearing that lovely whistling moving from window to window. I caught sight of him through the glass on the landing. After a while he looked straight in at me and smiled. I must have been staring. He had a lovely smile. Kind. I took him another cuppa. And another. And another. I don\u2019t think I realised how empty my life was. The Cosgrove Academy of Commerce. Mum. Larch Avenue. It was nice having Reggie there. Later that afternoon, after he\u2019d gone, I found all the cups of tea, stone cold, lined up on the garden wall. He\u2019d barely touched the first. Well, I felt silly, didn\u2019t I? It was weeks later that we met again. Somerfield\u2019s. I smiled at his shopping. Loo-roll. Economy sausages. Frozen pizza. Diet Coke. Cornflakes. Bachelor-stuff. I was pleased. He asked me for a date, then and there, at the checkout. He was a bit hopeless like that. Hopeless in exactly the way women like. Cutely hopeless, like baby hedgehogs or owl-chicks. He asked me to meet him at the judo-club. I mean, I ask you! I was early. He was facing a row of kneeling kids, dirty little pink feet all lined up in pairs behind them. The whole place smelt of kids. I\u2019d dressed up really nicely. I didn\u2019t mind. Then Reggie growled something in Japanese and they all went wild, squealing and climbing all over him. He sat them on his neck and swung them around by their ankles. They loved him; and that\u2019s when I fell in love with him.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE returns to the kitchen and the scene springs back to life again. There is a soap-opera on the television.]<\/p>\n

STU: Shall we watch the other one?
\nREG: If you want.
\nSTU: I\u2019m easy.
\nREG: You keep saying that.
\nSTU: I\u2019m not really bothered. I didn\u2019t think you\u2019d want to watch this.
\nREG: Why\u2019s that? Because it\u2019s got a geyser in a wheelchair?
\nSTU: I don\u2019t know.
\nREG: It\u2019s only a play.<\/p>\n

[REG switches off the television.]<\/p>\n

[calling] Love, what the hell\u2019s going on out there?<\/p>\n

LOUISE: [calling] Reggie, you\u2019re the first to moan if your meat\u2019s pink. Give me a
\nchance.<\/p>\n

[Pause.]<\/p>\n

REG: Well, go on. Ask.
\nSTU: Ask what?
\nREG: What did they do? Did it hurt? Any juicy scars? Can you have a look?
\nSTU: [at a bit of a loss] Oh, well \u2026 I mean \u2026
\nREG: [rolling up his tracksuit-bottoms] Don\u2019t be a wimp. Look, that\u2019s where
\nthey put the pins in. It\u2019s healed over now, but you can still feel them.
\nMeet the cyborg! Go on – I don\u2019t mind. Go on!<\/p>\n

[STU cagily touches REG\u2019s leg as LOUISE enters with a tray of pork chops, coffee and a cup of tea. REG lets out a blood-curdling yell. STU snatches his hand away in panic. LOUISE nearly drops the tray.]<\/p>\n

STU: Bloody hell! Sorry, mate.
\nLOUISE: Reggie! What\u2019s wrong?
\nREGGIE: [laughing] You two; honestly. You should see your faces.
\nLOUISE: For God\u2019s sake, Reggie, grow up. You scared the life out of me.
\nREG: Can\u2019t feel anything in my legs. [punching a thigh] Dead.
\nSTU: God.
\nREG: Spinal damage. [rolling his tracksuit-bottoms still higher] You haven\u2019t
\nseen the best yet. The old battle-scars.
\nLOUISE: Reggie, stop it!
\nSTU: [to LOUISE] Need a hand?
\nLOUISE: Could you move the magazines off the table?<\/p>\n

[LOUISE clips a tray to REG\u2019s wheelchair.]<\/p>\n

Mind Reggie\u2019s jigsaw.<\/p>\n

STU: [referring to the incomplete jigsaw] You do this yourself?
\nREG: What? Oh, yeah. Kills time. There\u2019s a piece missing.
\nLOUISE: Oh no. Are you sure, love?
\nREG: \u2018Course I\u2019m sure. You been Hoovering?
\nLOUISE: I was ever so careful.
\nREG: For Christ\u2019s sake!
\nLOUISE: I expect it\u2019ll turn up. What colour was it?
\nREG: Just chuck the bloody thing out. I\u2019m not doing it with pieces missing.
\nLOUISE: It might have slipped down the side of your chair.
\nREG: God knows why you couldn\u2019t have waited.
\nLOUISE: I had to tidy. They\u2019re taking pictures.
\nREG: Just chuck the bloody thing out.<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Look, I\u2019ll count the pieces when Stu\u2019s gone. I\u2019ll bet they\u2019re all there. I
\nmust say, it\u2019s a nice picture, isn\u2019t it, Stu? Cheerful. Reggie\u2019s very quick;
\nhe\u2019s done a couple. Haven\u2019t you, love? We had those ones framed.
\nREG: I\u2019ll be making raffia lampshades and cuddly toys before long.
\nLOUISE: That\u2019ll be nice. I\u2019ll get the stuff from the day-centre.
\nREG: You bleeding well won\u2019t!
\nLOUISE: Oh?
\nREG: Joke.
\nLOUISE: Here\u2019s your tea, love, while I put out the chops. Two sugars?
\nREG: I\u2019ll do it.
\nLOUISE: [handing him the tea and sugar-bowl] There you are.
\nREG: No veg?
\nLOUISE: Just getting it. Give me a moment.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll go.
\nLOUISE: They\u2019re on the unit. Spoons are in the drawer under the sink.
\nSTU: [leaving] No sweat.
\nREG: That\u2019s bloody great, that is. He\u2019s got to get his own bleeding tea.
\nLOUISE: He offered.
\nREG: Why couldn\u2019t you serve it outside like usual?
\nLOUISE: I thought this might be nicer; seeing as we\u2019ve got Stu round.
\nREG: It\u2019s pathetic.
\nLOUISE: He\u2019ll hear you.
\nREG: Who are you trying to impress? Stu? Isabel What\u2019s-her-face?
\nLOUISE: I thought you\u2019d like it.
\nSTU: [entering] Here we are.
\nLOUISE: You all right carrying those?
\nREG: \u2018Course he\u2019s not all right. Give him a bloody hand.
\nLOUISE: Reggie!<\/p>\n

[LOUISE starts to cut up REG\u2019s meat.]<\/p>\n

REG: Don\u2019t cut it up! I\u2019m not a frigging baby!
\nLOUISE: Stu, you help yourself to vegetables.
\nREG: Why don\u2019t you do it for him?
\nLOUISE: I\u2019m sure Stu can manage.<\/p>\n

[STU helps himself to vegetables.]<\/p>\n

Well, shall we start? Hope everything\u2019s okay.
\nREG: [tasting his tea and spitting it out] What the hell is this?
\nLOUISE: What\u2019s wrong?
\nREG: Taste it and you can tell me.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE takes a sip from REG\u2019s cup.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Oh, yuk! [realising] Sorry, love. Bouquet garnis. Must have slipped out the spice rack. I thought it was a tea bag. Sorry. Come on, you\u2019ve got to see the funny side.
\nREG: There is no funny side. It\u2019s fucking revolting.
\nLOUISE: Love, please don\u2019t.
\nREG: Why not get it over with and feed me a whole fucking bottle of pills.
\nLOUISE: Stu, I\u2019m really sorry.
\nREG: Bet you\u2019d see the funny side of that. The worst thing about being a
\nflaming vegetable is having to rely on you!
\nLOUISE: [leaving] I\u2019ve got to get Reggie\u2019s prescription. Stu\u2019ll look after you.
\nREG: I don\u2019t need looking after. When will you be home?
\nLOUISE: [tearful] I don\u2019t know.
\nREG: You\u2019re a fine flaming hostess, you are!<\/p>\n

[LOUISE rushes out the front door. She stops by the car and looks in her handbag for the keys. They are still on the coffee-table. She cannot face going back for them – she is crying openly now – and walks briskly, half running, off.]<\/p>\n

STU: Shall I go after her?
\nREG: You do that.
\nSTU: I mean, will you be okay?
\nREG: \u2018Course I will; I\u2019ll just practice my tap-dancing.
\nSTU: What are you trying to do to her?
\nREG: It\u2019s not what it looks like.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll tell you what it looks like \u2026
\nREG: [interrupting] What do you know?
\nSTU: For God\u2019s sake, Reg!
\nREG: Stu, I want to talk to you. That\u2019s why I told her to ask you round.
\nSTU: The journalist \u2026
\nREG: Stuff the journalist. Sorry about what went down just now. Can\u2019t help
\ngetting ratty sometimes. I\u2019ve got to talk to someone. I\u2019m going mad,
\ncooped up in here. You were my best friend.
\nSTU: Still am, Reg.
\nREG: After the accident you pissed off pretty bloody sharpish.
\nSTU: I\u2019ve said I\u2019m sorry \u2026
\nREG: [interrupting] Don\u2019t interrupt. I\u2019d have needed a friend. Still do.<\/p>\n

Music 6: THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU NEED A FRIEND<\/strong><\/p>\n

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU NEED A FRIEND
\nWHO WILL HELP YOU AND PROTECT YOU;
\nWHO\u2019LL STICK BY YOU TO THE END
\nAND WILL CATCH YOU WHEN YOU FALL.
\nWHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD REJECTS YOU,
\nYOU CAN BET HE STILL RESPECTS YOU
\nAND HE\u2019S THERE LIKE A SHOT THE MOMENT THAT YOU CALL;
\nLOYAL THROUGH ALL.<\/p>\n

THERE ARE PEOPLE I USED TO SEE
\nWHO WOULD NOW SAY I\u2019M BELOW THEM;
\nTHEY\u2019RE THE PEOPLE WHO CLAIMED TO BE
\nMY BEST MATES, COME WHAT MAY.
\nWHEN I STILL USED TO WANT TO KNOW THEM
\nTHEY WOULD LOOK UP AT ME TO SHOW THEM
\nWHAT THEY WANTED TO BE, THE ROLE THEY HOPED TO PLAY;
\nMAYBE SOME DAY.<\/p>\n

NOT ALL THAT LONG AGO, BEFORE MY WORLD WAS WRECKED,
\nI NEVER DREAMED THAT I COULD LOSE MY SELF-RESPECT.
\nLOOK AT ME NOW, MATE, AND YOU\u2019D NEVER UNDERSTAND
\nWHY I WAS SURE I HELD THE FUTURE IN THE PALM OF MY HAND.<\/p>\n

WHEN I REALISED I\u2019D BEEN FOOLED \u2013
\nTHAT MY WIFE WAS REALLY CHEATING \u2013
\nI GOT ONTO MY BIKE, REFUELLED
\nAND RODE OFF, GOD KNOWS HOW FAR;
\nAND THE BLOOD IN MY HEAD WAS ROARING
\nAND THE RAIN IN THE NIGHT WAS POURING
\nSO I WENT IN A PUB AND SAT THERE AT THE BAR –
\nHAD JAR AFTER JAR.
\nI WENT OUT IN THE POURING RAIN,
\nI REMEMBER I WAS CRYING.
\nWHEN I GOT ON MY BIKE AGAIN
\nI WAS SMASHED OUT OF MY HEAD;
\nAND I SEEM TO REMEMBER FLYING
\nAND THE THOUGHT THAT I MUST BE DYING;
\nTILL I OPENED MY EYES IN HOSPITAL, IN BED –
\nI WASN\u2019T DEAD.<\/p>\n

STU: JUST THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.<\/p>\n

REG: AND WHAT WOULD YOU SAY WAS MY REASON TO SURVIVE?<\/p>\n

STU: YOU WERE THE STRONGEST BLACK BELT THAT I EVER SAW.<\/p>\n

REG: LOOK AT ME NOW, MATE, AND I DON\u2019T THINK YOU\u2019D SAY THAT
\nANY MORE.<\/p>\n

STU: IT IS EASY FOR ME, I KNOW,
\nTO SIT HERE AND KEEP REPEATING
\nALL THOSE THINGS THAT ARE MEANT TO SHOW
\nI KNOW WHAT IT\u2019S LIKE FOR YOU;
\nAND I\u2019M SURE THAT YOU\u2019RE SICK OF MEETING
\nOTHER PEOPLE WHO GO ON BLEATING
\nTHAT THEY\u2019RE SORRY FOR YOU, BUT IN MY CASE IT\u2019S TRUE.<\/p>\n

REG: THEY SAY THAT TOO.
\nSTU: But Reg, I do mean it.
\nREG: I know you do, mate. Our tea\u2019s gone cold.
\nSTU: [tucking in] Mine\u2019s okay.
\nREG: Know what your trouble is?
\nSTU: Don\u2019t start.
\nREG: You\u2019re not fussy enough.
\nSTU: What\u2019s that supposed to mean?
\nREG: The grease is setting on your plate, and you\u2019re actually going to eat that crap.
\nSTU: I\u2019m hungry.
\nREG: Put it under the grill.
\nSTU: It\u2019s warm enough for me.
\nREG: There you are; that\u2019s the difference between us. Warm enough \u2026 Close enough \u2026 Good enough. I\u2019m hungry too, but I won\u2019t eat cold chops.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll put yours under the grill.
\nREG: I don\u2019t want them. Bin \u2018em.
\nSTU: What\u2019ll Louise say?
\nREG: Who cares what she says? Who cares what anybody says? You shouldn\u2019t care what I say about your judo.
\nSTU: \u2018Course I care. You taught me everything I know.<\/p>\n

REG: [sighs] I care too. I care about you. You showed up at my dojo because
\nyou thought we did five-a-side football, and that little squirt is what I
\nturned into a black belt. You are one of Reg\u2019s lads. Always will be. I\u2019m
\nbuggered, mate; you can see that. I can\u2019t do it – you can. Keep it up. At
\nleast give me that pleasure, eh.<\/p>\n

STU: I failed second dan.
\nREG: It\u2019s not a matter of dans; it\u2019s a matter of doing it. Brought your gear?
\nSTU: Yeah. In my bag.
\nREG: How many gis you got?
\nSTU: Two.
\nREG: Bung us a jacket. Put one on yourself. I don\u2019t know how we\u2019re going to do this, but if I\u2019m trying, you bloody well can.
\nSTU: Reg, you sure this is a good idea?
\nREG: Running scared, mate? [taking off his tracksuit top and tee-shirt] Go on then, what are you waiting for?<\/p>\n

[STU goes and gets his sports bag. REG puts his hands behind his head and turns his torso back and forth. He starts warming up, leaning forward, extending his arms and such. This is clearly a routine he has done frequently in his wheelchair. STU returns.]<\/p>\n

STU: Okay, Reg.
\nREG: What d\u2019you mean \u201cokay\u201d? What d\u2019you usually say?
\nSTU: [unsure] Yes Sensei.
\nREG: If you\u2019re not going to take it seriously, just say so. You said you wanted help. I\u2019m offering.
\nSTU: Yes Sensei.
\nREG: Get changed. Do twenty press-ups.<\/p>\n

[STU opens his sports bag and starts changing.]<\/p>\n

Bung us a jacket.<\/p>\n

STU: [throwing REG a judo jacket] Bit smelly, I\u2019m afraid.
\nREG: It\u2019ll stink by the time I\u2019m finished with you. Well, give us a hand.
\nSTU: Yes Sensei.<\/p>\n

[STU helps REG into the jacket.]<\/p>\n

REG: You\u2019d better move the table out the way, or you\u2019ll end up with an earful of gravy. Shift the chairs.
\nSTU: [half-changed, moving furniture] God knows what Louise\u2019ll say.
\nREG: I\u2019d worry more about what I\u2019m going to do to you if you don\u2019t shut up and get on with it.
\nSTU: Yes Sensei.
\nREG: Look at you; you\u2019re a bloody disgrace. Weak. Unfit. Do you do anything at training, assuming you ever go?
\nSTU: A bit.
\nREG: No, Sensei!
\nSTU: No, Sensei.
\nREG: Get yourself ready. We\u2019ll be here all night at this rate.<\/p>\n

[STU takes out his black belt. He is about to put it on, when he thinks better of it and lobs it to REG. REG cannot get the belt around himself.]<\/p>\n

Well, give us a hand.<\/p>\n

[STU puts the belt on REG.]<\/p>\n

Kneel!<\/p>\n

[STU kneels opposite REG.]<\/p>\n

Sit up!<\/p>\n

[During this formal greeting, REG bows from his wheelchair, putting his hands on his lap. STU bows in the traditional Japanese way, left hand followed by right hand to the floor and bowing without taking his eyes off his sensei.]<\/p>\n

Rei!<\/p>\n

[STU kneels back into an upright position.]<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve got twenty press-ups to do yet. Remember?<\/p>\n

STU: Yes Sensei.<\/p>\n

[STU does proper press-ups. REG raises himself by gripping the armrests of his wheelchair and extending his arms. This must clearly be at least as difficult as what STU is doing, if not more so. The two men lower and raise themselves to count.]<\/p>\n

REG: Ichi! [down] Ni! [up] San! [down and so forth] Shi! Go! Roku! Sichi!
\nHachi! Ku! Ju! Ichi! Ni! San! Shi! Go! – Wait for it! – Roku! Sichi! – hold it there. Feel those pecs. Wait for it! – Hachi! Ku!<\/p>\n

[Pause. STU groans with the effort. His last press-up collapses.]<\/p>\n

Ju! Right, now get me out of this thing.
\nSTU: How?<\/p>\n

REG: How do you think, pillock? You\u2019ll have to lift me out. You drop me and
\nI\u2019ll bloody kill you.<\/p>\n

[STU lifts REG out of the wheelchair.]<\/p>\n

Kneel me down.<\/p>\n

[STU is puzzled and starts fumbling.]<\/p>\n

I said kneel me down!<\/p>\n

STU: Yes Sensei!<\/p>\n

[STU arranges REG\u2019s paralysed legs so that he kneels, that is as long as STU supports him. As soon as STU releases REG, he falls backwards, his legs still folded under him. Clearly, REG cannot get up.]<\/p>\n

REG: Well give us a hand!
\nSTU: What am I meant to do?
\nREG: Pull me legs out.<\/p>\n

[STU unfolds REG\u2019s legs so that the latter lies flat on his back.]<\/p>\n

You say your groundwork\u2019s crap.<\/p>\n

STU: Yes Sensei!
\nREG: Get me in a hold.
\nSTU: You sure you\u2019ll be alright?
\nREG: You bloody won\u2019t be if you don\u2019t get on with it. Kami Shiho Gatame.<\/p>\n

[STU attempts this hold. REG frees himself without much difficulty.]<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve always been crap at that. Try a strangle.<\/p>\n

[STU sits astride REG, grabs the lapels of his jacket and tries to strangle him. STU is clearly having much more difficulty doing this than he imagined he would. He can hardly do the exercise.]<\/p>\n

Well come on! Get the bloody thing on! You can do better than that. You\u2019re fighting a flaming cripple!<\/p>\n

[STU struggles to maintain the strangle.]<\/p>\n

Come on, son! Work it! Work it! Get it on!<\/p>\n

[STU eventually manages the technique.]<\/p>\n

Took your time, didn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

[REG puts his finger in the neck of his own jacket, next to the carotid artery, which prevents STU\u2019s strangle from taking effect.]<\/p>\n

Big mistake, me old son. Big mistake. I can get you.<\/p>\n

[REG starts strangling STU. STU releases REG and starts tapping in submission. REG does not release him.]<\/p>\n

STU: Let go, for God\u2019s sake! You\u2019re killing me!
\nREG: [not releasing STU] Were you fucking my wife?
\nSTU: You\u2019re bloody nuts!
\nREG: [tightening his grip] Were you?
\nSTU: \u2018Course not.
\nREG: What was your scarf doing in my front hall?
\nSTU: What are you talking about? What scarf?
\nREG: West Ham. I\u2019m an Arsenal man myself. I recognised it. It was yours.
\nYou probably wore it here so as she\u2019d think you were a bit of a lad. So
\nas she could imagine she was going to be fucked by a proper little rough-nut; not a poncy accountant. Only you should have remembered to take it with you.
\nSTU: [gasping] I don\u2019t know what you mean.
\nREG: You play silly buggers with me, mate, and I\u2019ll fucking kill you.<\/p>\n

[REG tightens his grip and STU gasps with pain.]<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t there when I went on my round that morning and it was when I got home. [tightening his grip still further] I tried to top myself because of you. I taught you to fight – to fight well – and meanwhile you were fucking my wife.<\/p>\n

STU: Just get it over with!<\/p>\n

[LOUISE enters with REG\u2019s prescription.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Oh God! Reggie!<\/p>\n

REG: [throwing STU back] You make me sick.<\/p>\n

[STU\u2019s body is quite lifeless. As REG struggles his exhausted way back into his wheelchair, LOUISE, abstracted from his world, sings.]<\/p>\n

Music 7: CRYING ON YOUR OWN<\/strong><\/p>\n

LOUISE: THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WILL SHOW YOU
\nHOW THEY THINK YOU OUGHT TO LIVE,
\nCLAMOURING TO GIVE
\nBITS OF GOOD ADVICE
\nWHEN THEY HARDLY EVEN KNOW YOU
\nAND IT\u2019S COMICAL TO SEE
\nHOW THEY TRY TO BE
\nWHAT THEY THINK IS NICE;
\nTHEY TELL YOU OF THEIR HOLIDAYS AND KIDS AND BRAND NEW
\nCAR,
\nBUT ARE REALLY SHOWING HOW MUCH BETTER OFF THAN YOU
\nTHEY ARE.
\nAND HOWEVER MUCH YOU FEEL IT,
\nAND HOWEVER GREAT THE STRAIN,
\nNEVER LET THE PAIN
\nSHOW IN ANY WAY.
\nTRY YOUR HARDEST TO CONCEAL IT –
\nTHAT\u2019S THE TOUGHEST THING TO DO –
\nMAKE THEM THINK THAT YOU
\nDON\u2019T CARE WHAT THEY SAY;
\nJUST SMILE AND OOH AND AH ABOUT HOW TALL THEIR KIDS
\nHAVE GROWN,
\nAND THEN LATER, WHEN YOU\u2019RE CRYING, JUST MAKE
\nABSOLUTELY SURE
\nWHEN YOU CRY, THAT YOU\u2019RE
\nCRYING ON YOUR OWN.<\/p>\n

NO-ONE IS PROUD
\nTO BE FRIENDS WITH A LOSER
\nSO LOSERS ARE LEFT WITH NO MORE THAN THEIR SHAME;
\nA WINNER\u2019S ALLOWED
\nTO BE BEGGAR AND CHOOSER
\nIN EVERYTHING – THOSE ARE THE RULES OF THE GAME.<\/p>\n

THOUGH IT\u2019S TRUE THAT BEING LONELY
\nCAN CUT DEEP INTO YOUR HEART,
\nTEARING IT APART
\nTIME AND TIME AGAIN,
\nDESPERATION\u2019S NOT THE ONLY
\nKIND OF FEELING THAT I\u2019VE HAD,
\nTHERE\u2019S A KIND OF SAD
\nBEAUTY IN THE PAIN;
\nLIKE WHEN I ONCE WALKED HOME ACROSS THE PARK ONE RAINY
\nDAY
\nAND I SAW A LITTLE BOY THERE AND I STOPPED AND WATCHED
\nHIM PLAY.
\nHE WAS CROUCHING BY A PUDDLE
\nAND WAS DAMMING IT WITH MUD,
\nSPLASHING IN THE FLOOD,
\nMERRY AS A LARK;
\nAND MY THOUGHTS WERE IN A MUDDLE
\nAT THE HAPPINESS I SAW,
\nCAUSED BY NOTHING MORE
\nTHAN A MUDDY PARK;
\nAND WHEN AT LAST HE WENT, HE LEFT ME GLOWING LIKE A
\nSPARK
\nON THAT RAINY WINTER EVENING, AND I DIDN\u2019T FEEL ALONE
\nSTANDING ON MY OWN,
\nLAUGHING AT THE DARK.<\/p>\n

NO-ONE IS PROUD
\nTO BE FRIENDS WITH A LOSER
\nSO LOSERS ARE LEFT WITH NO MORE THAN THEIR SHAME;
\nA WINNER\u2019S ALLOWED
\nTO BE BEGGAR AND CHOOSER
\nIN EVERYTHING – THOSE ARE THE RULES OF THE GAME.<\/p>\n

SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST FACE IT,
\nTHAT WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,
\nYOU\u2019RE THE ONLY ONE
\nPERSON YOU CAN TRUST.
\nIT\u2019S A FACT, YOU MUST EMBRACE IT,
\nBUT THE MOMENT THAT YOU DO
\nYOU WILL FIND THAT YOU
\nRISE UP FROM THE DUST;
\nAND HURT WILL TURN TO DIGNITY AND, SHINING LIKE THE SUN,
\nYOU WILL FACE THE WORLD, NOT OWING ANYTHING TO ANYONE.<\/p>\n

YOU NEED NEVER EVER WORRY
\nWHEN YOU\u2019RE NOT INDEBTED TO
\nANYONE BUT YOU,
\nTHAT\u2019S WORTH EVERYTHING.
\nYOU NEED NEVER SAY YOU\u2019RE SORRY
\nAS YOU STRUGGLE THROUGH EACH DAY,
\nNOTHING TO REPAY,
\nPROUDER THAN A KING;
\nAND IF CHRIST LIVES YOU\u2019VE NO NEED OF HIS PURE REDEEMING
\nBLOOD,
\nBECAUSE HE HAS NEVER HELPED YOU, AND THE ONLY ONE WHO
\nDID
\nWAS A LITTLE KID
\nPLAYING IN THE MUD.<\/p>\n

[The lights come up on REG, back in his wheelchair, in the sitting room. LOUISE enters with REG\u2019s prescription. She rushes, horrified, to STU\u2019s motionless body.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Oh God, Reggie! You\u2019ve killed him.
\nREG: The hell I have. Get him onto the sofa.
\nLOUISE: [straining to move STU] I can\u2019t. I\u2019m worried, Reggie. I\u2019m calling an
\nambulance.
\nREG: Don\u2019t be daft. He\u2019s fine.
\nLOUISE: What were you doing?
\nREG: Not a lot.
\nLOUISE: Reggie, what have you done to him?
\nREG: I told you; he\u2019s fine. You better turn him on his side in case he throws up.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ll get a blanket.
\nREG: Stop faffing. He asked me to go over a few exercises. Must have
\noverworked himself.
\nLOUISE: Don\u2019t treat me like an idiot.
\nREG: Then don\u2019t treat me like one.<\/p>\n

[Pause.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: He told you.
\nREG: He didn\u2019t have to. Lou, how could you? He\u2019s nobody.
\nLOUISE: Reggie, please.
\nREG: Why him?
\nLOUISE: Why anybody? What does it matter?
\nREG: It matters to me. I taught him. I made him what he is.
\nLOUISE: I dare say.
\nREG: I should have rubbed the little bastard out while I had the chance.
\nLOUISE: Stop it, Reggie.
\nREG: He used to respect me. I should never have let him so close. Do you still love him?
\nLOUISE: I never have.
\nREG: Then why?
\nLOUISE: Love, let\u2019s not. It could have been anybody.
\nREG: I don\u2019t bloody doubt it.
\nLOUISE: Reggie, please. I\u2019m tired.
\nREG: Stop playing the martyr. It doesn\u2019t suit you.
\nLOUISE: [leaving] I\u2019ll be in the kitchen if you want anything.
\nREG: Don\u2019t turn your back on me. Not when I\u2019m talking to you.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ve got to wash up.
\nREG: I want to talk to you.
\nLOUISE: There\u2019s no point.
\nREG: [yelling] You\u2019ve no right to walk away.
\nLOUISE: We\u2019ll just end up screaming at each other.
\nREG: Stop all this level-headed crap! You know I hate it.
\nLOUISE: I don\u2019t want to argue.
\nREG: It\u2019s not my fault we do. You never let me discuss anything properly.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019m happy to talk sensibly.
\nREG: Only as long as it suits you. If I say anything you don\u2019t like, you walk off.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019ve been bloody awful all day. Can you blame me?
\nREG: Not just today. You always do it.
\nLOUISE: There\u2019s the housework.
\nREG: What\u2019s that to do with anything?
\nLOUISE: I still haven\u2019t done the washing up.
\nREG: Sod the washing up. We\u2019re talking.
\nLOUISE: Why haven\u2019t you eaten your tea? It\u2019s gone cold.
\nREG: [forced calm] Lou, I\u2019d like to talk to you. Calmly.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ll get a blanket.
\nREG: Don\u2019t wind me up.
\nLOUISE: [during this speech, REG bellows his line and LOUISE\u2019s words trail off.]
\nAnd something to put on the carpet in case he really is sick.
\nREG: [shout] Christ, stop it!
\nLOUISE: Stop what?
\nREG: What you\u2019re doing. Standing there, ignoring me.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019m not ignoring you, love, but I\u2019ve got loads to do. Isabel Walker\u2019ll be
\nhere soon.
\nREG: Sit down, Lou. Please.
\nLOUISE: Look at the state of the house.
\nREG: Please.
\nLOUISE: [sitting down] All right, love. Just for a bit.
\nREG: Over here, with me.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE moves over to REG and sits by him.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: There, now.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE strokes REG\u2019s head.]<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry, love. I\u2019m ever so sorry.<\/p>\n

Music 8: TIME AND TIME AGAIN<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

REG: THERE\u2019S NOT A NIGHT WHEN I DON\u2019T STARE
\nINTO EMPTINESS AND KNOW THERE\u2019S NOTHING THERE.
\nI\u2019VE PASSED THE POINT OF LOVE AND HATE
\nAND OF BLAMING LIFE OR DESTINY OR FATE.<\/p>\n

BOTH: WHY DO WE GO ON HURTING EACH OTHER?
\nI\u2019LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN
\nTHE REASON WHY WE TRY TO CAUSE SO MUCH PAIN;
\nWE DO IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN.<\/p>\n

WHY DO WE KEEP DESERTING EACH OTHER,
\nWHEN REALLY IT\u2019S HIGH TIME THAT WE SAW
\nTHAT WE BOTH NEED EACH OTHER NOW EVEN MORE
\nTHAN WE HAVE EVER DONE BEFORE?<\/p>\n

LOUISE: I CANNOT HOPE TO HELP OR HEAL –
\nI CAN KISS YOU, I CAN COOK YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL –
\nBUT YOU WON\u2019T EVEN HAVE A TASTE;
\nDON\u2019T YOU SEE, IT\u2019S MORE THAN FOOD THAT GOES TO WASTE?<\/p>\n

REG: I\u2019D GLADLY EAT A SLICE OF BREAD
\nTHAT YOU CUT BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME, BUT INSTEAD
\nTHE TABLE\u2019S ALWAYS NEATLY LAID,
\nJUST TO SHOW THE WORLD THE SACRIFICE YOU\u2019VE MADE.<\/p>\n

BOTH: WHY DO WE GO ON HURTING EACH OTHER?
\nI\u2019LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN
\nTHE REASON WHY WE TRY TO CAUSE SO MUCH PAIN;
\nWE DO IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN.<\/p>\n

WHY DO WE KEEP DESERTING EACH OTHER,
\nWHEN REALLY IT\u2019S HIGH TIME THAT WE SAW
\nTHAT WE BOTH NEED EACH OTHER NOW EVEN MORE
\nTHAN WE HAVE EVER DONE BEFORE?<\/p>\n

LOUISE: THERE\u2019S NOT A PRICE THAT I WOULDN\u2019T PAY,
\nTHERE\u2019S NOT A WORD I\u2019D NOT OBEY,
\nTHERE\u2019S NOT A PRAYER THAT I WOULDN\u2019T PRAY
\nTO SOMEHOW WIPE THE PAST AWAY.<\/p>\n

[Suddenly, REG pushes LOUISE aside, takes up the undrinkable cup of tea and chucks it in STU\u2019s face.]<\/p>\n

REG: You little bastard!
\nLOUISE: Reggie, what are you doing?
\nREG: Little sod\u2019s right as rain.<\/p>\n

[STU sits up, wiping his face in his judo jacket.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Thank God you\u2019re all right.
\nREG: Is that how you get yourself off? Eavesdropping?
\nSTU: Couldn\u2019t exactly help it.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ll get a cloth before it soaks in.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE goes out to the kitchen.]<\/p>\n

STU: You nearly bloody killed me. [rubbing his neck] Could have been brain-damaged.
\nREG: Who are you trying to kid?
\nSTU: Does Louise know what happened?
\nREG: Everyone knows everything.
\nSTU: Oh Christ!
\nREG: Yeah, messy little business, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

[LOUISE comes in and starts mopping up the spilt tea from the rug. There is an awful silence.]<\/p>\n

Well, isn\u2019t this cosy?
\nSTU: I had to tell him, Louise. He was going to kill me.
\nLOUISE: I dare say.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll just wash my face and then I\u2019ll go.
\nLOUISE: There\u2019s a clean towel on the rail in the bathroom.
\nSTU: [getting up] Thanks.
\nLOUISE: [picking up the rug] It\u2019s gone right through. It\u2019ll need soaking.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE leaves with the rug.]<\/p>\n

REG: Sit down, Stu.
\nSTU: I need to wash my face.
\nREG: Sit down. Don\u2019t worry, I shan\u2019t hurt you.
\nSTU: Ought to be off.
\nREG: What\u2019s the rush? I don\u2019t expect we\u2019ll be seeing much of each other after today.
\nSTU: Dare say not.
\nREG: So I\u2019d like to clear a few things up – loose ends.
\nSTU: You know everything
\nREG: Almost everything. What\u2019s the hurry? Ten minutes this way or that.
\nSTU: Why spin it out?
\nREG: Last chat.
\nSTU: What do you want to know?
\nREG: Do you still love her?
\nSTU: Oh God, if you\u2019re looking for an apology \u2026
\nREG: I\u2019m not looking for anything; I\u2019m asking a question. So?
\nSTU: What do you want, Reg?
\nREG: I want to know.
\nSTU: You want me to eat shit. Is that it?
\nREG: She likes you.
\nSTU: Get lost.
\nREG: Won\u2019t hear a word against you. Very protective.
\nSTU: [gathering his clothes] I\u2019m out of here.
\nREG: It\u2019s true.
\nSTU: Yeah, I love her.
\nREG: There you are. Easy, wasn\u2019t it?
\nSTU: And there\u2019s not a thing you can do about it.
\nREG: Tough, aren\u2019t you?
\nSTU: Fuck off!
\nREG: Too bad she\u2019s my wife.
\nSTU: You going to keep making her life hell?
\nREG: What\u2019s that to you?
\nSTU: Bitter little turd.
\nREG: Maybe so. She\u2019s still my wife.
\nSTU: You\u2019ll crush her into the ground.
\nREG: Going to stop me?
\nSTU: You\u2019re sick.
\nREG: She knows her place. She\u2019s mine.<\/p>\n

Music 9: ABSOLUTE BASTARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

STU: I CAN\u2019T BELIEVE WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BASTARD
\nYOU\u2019VE TURNED INTO, MATE,
\nYOU\u2019RE ALL FUCKED UP ON HATE.
\nYOU RODE YOUR BIKE LIKE A LUNATIC; PLASTERED,
\nAND NOW YOU BLAME ME
\nAND LOUISE. CAN\u2019T YOU SEE,
\nYOU THOUGHT YOUR BLACK BELT MADE YOU PRETTY HIGH-
\nPOWERED,
\nBUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU\u2019RE NO MORE THAN A COWARD?
\nYOU HADN\u2019T THE GUTS TO LOOK LIFE IN THE EYE;
\nYOU BACKED OUT AND DECIDED TO GIVE UP AND DIE;
\nBUT YOU DIDN\u2019T THINK, ONCE YOU\u2019D DRUNK YOURSELF BLIND
\nAND YOU\u2019D SMASHED YOURSELF UP, THAT YOU\u2019D WAKE UP AND FIND
\nTHAT YOU HADN\u2019T SUCCEEDED, AND LIFE WOULD GO ON
\nWITH YOUR PAST BUGGERED UP AND YOUR FUTURE ALL GONE.<\/p>\n

REG: YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY HYPOCRISY BOTH SUCK!
\nYOU\u2019RE SO INSINCERE
\nTHAT YOU\u2019D BUY ME A BEER
\nAND THEN COME POKING ROUND HERE FOR A QUICK FUCK;
\nJUST YOU AND THAT SLUT,
\nALL AS SWEET AS A NUT.
\nHAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW YOU SOUND WHEN YOU SIT
\nPREACHING MORALS AT ME? YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT!<\/p>\n

[LOUISE enters with the rug.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: IT\u2019S A REAL WOOLEN RUG, SO IT\u2019S REALLY TOO GOOD
\nTO JUST CHUCK IT AWAY, THOUGH I DARE SAY WE COULD;
\nOR PERHAPS WE SHOULD MOVE IT. IT MIGHT LOOK ALL RIGHT
\nON THE LANDING UPSTAIRS WHERE IT\u2019S MORE OUT OF SIGHT.
\nWHEN IT\u2019S DRY YOU WON\u2019T NOTICE IT IF YOU DON\u2019T STARE,
\nBUT A STAIN IS A STAIN AND I\u2019LL KNOW THAT IT\u2019S THERE.<\/p>\n

REG: Put that poxy thing back where you found it.
\nLOUISE: There\u2019s no need to be rude.
\nREG: It\u2019s all crap.
\nLOUISE: What are you talking about?
\nREG: Everything. Rugs and stains. What are you doing it for?<\/p>\n

[Pause.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: You called me a slut.
\nREG: What would you call yourself?
\nLOUISE: Lonely.
\nREG: What do you mean \u201clonely\u201d?
\nLOUISE: Now who\u2019s playing stupid?
\nREG: Don\u2019t you get high-handed with me.
\nLOUISE: This really is hopeless. I mean I\u2019m tired and bored.
\nREG: Well, I\u2019ve told you before; you can go whenever you want.
\nLOUISE: Come on, love; don\u2019t be daft.
\nREG: So, you want a divorce?
\nLOUISE: For goodness\u2019 sake, stop it.
\nREG: I mean it. I\u2019ll go through with it.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019re right; this is crap. We can\u2019t speak normally any more. We have
\nwhole conversations we don\u2019t mean. We spend whole days talking and talking and not meaning a single word.
\nSTU: I\u2019ll get washed.
\nLOUISE: There\u2019s a towel on the rail.
\nSTU: I\u2019ve got my own towel, thanks.<\/p>\n

[STU finds his towel and goes up to the bathroom.]<\/p>\n

REG: I hate his guts.
\nLOUISE: What happened between us was as much my fault as it was Stu\u2019s. More so in some ways.
\nREG: What do you want me to say?
\nLOUISE: There\u2019s nothing to say.
\nREG: So, what now?
\nLOUISE: Go on as we are, I suppose.
\nREG: We can\u2019t.
\nLOUISE: Well, what do you suggest?<\/p>\n

Music 10: I CAN\u2019T BELIEVE<\/strong><\/p>\n

REG: I CAN\u2019T BELIEVE THERE\u2019S NOT A WAY
\nTO TAKE BACK SOME OF WHAT WE\u2019VE LOST.
\nWE\u2019VE GOT TO BUY BACK YESTERDAY
\nWHO CARES WHAT IT MAY COST?
\nI CAN\u2019T BELIEVE THE PAST IS DEAD
\nAND THAT DEAD PAST IS ALL WE\u2019VE GOT,
\nTHAT HAPPINESS MAY LIE AHEAD
\nFOR OTHER PEOPLE, BUT WE\u2019VE HAD OUR LOT.<\/p>\n

REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN WE\u2019D JUMP IN THE CAR
\nAND WE\u2019D DRIVE WHERE WE FANCIED, NO MATTER HOW FAR.
\nYOU CAN\u2019T HAVE FORGOTTEN US BOMBING ALONG
\nWITH THE STEREO BLARING OUR FAVOURITE SONG.
\nI KNOW THAT\u2019S NOT THERE
\nANYMORE, BUT LET\u2019S SHARE
\nWHAT WE\u2019VE GOT.<\/p>\n

LOUISE: YEAH, LIKE WHAT?<\/p>\n

REG: I KNOW OUR LIVES ARE RATHER CHANGED
\nAND THERE ARE THINGS WE CANNOT MEND,
\nBUT THOUGH A LIFE IS REARRANGED
\nSURELY IT NEEDN\u2019T END.
\nALTHOUGH I\u2019VE LOST A LOT, I\u2019VE FOUND
\nA FEW THINGS THAT MAKE LIFE WORTHWHILE,
\nAND SOMETIMES, WHEN I LOOK AROUND,
\nI SEE SOMETHING THAT STILL MAKES ME SMILE.<\/p>\n

DON\u2019T THINK I DON\u2019T NOTICE THE TROUBLE YOU TAKE
\nWHEN YOU WORK AND YOU COOK AND YOU CLEAN FOR MY SAKE,
\nBUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SEE
\nTHAT I CAN\u2019T GIVE BACK HALF OF WHAT YOU GIVE TO ME;
\nSO TRY NOT TO MIND
\nIF I\u2019M SOMETIMES UNKIND
\nOR UNFAIR;
\nPLEASE DON\u2019T CARE.<\/p>\n

LOUISE: LOOK, LOVE, I\u2019M SURE YOU ARE SINCERE
\nIN WHAT YOU SAY, AND I APPRECIATE
\nYOUR SAYING WHAT YOU THINK I\u2019D LIKE TO HEAR
\nBUT IT\u2019S TOO LATE.
\nYOU SAID THE THINGS THAT CRUSHED MY PRIDE,
\nYOU CAN\u2019T TAKE THOSE BACK ANY MORE,
\nAND IT\u2019S TOO LATE NOW TO DECIDE
\nTHAT YOU LIKED ME AS I WAS BEFORE.<\/p>\n

THOUGH COOKING AND CLEANING ARE HARDLY EXCITING,
\nTHEY\u2019RE BETTER THAN ARGUING ALL DAY AND FIGHTING.
\nYOU CAN\u2019T THINK I\u2019LL KEEP TURNING CHEEK AFTER CHEEK
\nTO YOU DAY AFTER DAY AFTER WEEK AFTER WEEK.
\nIT\u2019S HARDLY IDEAL,
\nBUT AT LEAST I DON\u2019T FEEL
\nIN THE WRONG
\nALL DAY LONG.<\/p>\n

REG: I do love you, Louise.
\nLOUISE: You don\u2019t give up, do you?
\nREG: It\u2019s true.
\nLOUISE: I don\u2019t know what\u2019s true any more.
\nREG: I hate hearing you speak like this. Go on; say you love me.
\nLOUISE: No.
\nREG: Don\u2019t you?
\nLOUISE: I don\u2019t know, Reggie, but if I say it I\u2019ll know I don\u2019t. Things don\u2019t
\nbecome true just because we keep saying them.<\/p>\n

[REG winces.]<\/p>\n

What\u2019s wrong?<\/p>\n

REG: Pain in my side.
\nLOUISE: Constipation?<\/p>\n

[REG nods.]<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve collected your suppositories. You can go upstairs when Stu\u2019s
\nfinished.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE goes out into the hall.]<\/p>\n

[calling] Stu, are you going to be long? I don\u2019t like to rush you, love, but Reggie \u2026<\/p>\n

REG: [interrupting] Shut up for Christ\u2019s sake!
\nLOUISE: [returning] What\u2019s up, love?
\nREG: No need to tell the whole bloody world.
\nLOUISE: I don\u2019t expect Stu cares.
\nREG: Well I do.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE hands REG one of the suppositories she brought home earlier.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Here, love. Will you manage all right?
\nREG: Of course I\u2019ll bloody manage.
\nLOUISE: [making to push REG\u2019s wheelchair] Okay, love. Come on.<\/p>\n

[REG rebuffs LOUISE\u2019s attempt to wheel his chair as STU enters and picks up his sports bag.]<\/p>\n

STU: I\u2019ll be off then. Can you give me a lift to the station?
\nLOUISE: \u2018Course I can. We\u2019ll have to wait until Reggie comes downstairs. He
\nneeds a hand on and off the Stairlift.
\nREG: Stop bloody fussing.
\nLOUISE: Go on, love. We\u2019ll wait.
\nREG: Christ, anyone would think it\u2019s the first time I\u2019d ever taken a shit.<\/p>\n

[REG wheel himself out.]<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Want a coffee?
\nSTU: Have we got time?
\nLOUISE: He\u2019ll be a while.
\nSTU: I\u2019m sorry. I\u2019ve been in the way.
\nLOUISE: Not really.
\nSTU: And I\u2019m sorry I told him – you know.
\nLOUISE: I shouldn\u2019t worry. I think he knew anyhow. Have you got everything?
\nSTU: My judo jacket. Belt.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ll wash them and send them on to you.
\nSTU: Thanks.
\nLOUISE: Milk? Sugar?
\nSTU: Louise?
\nLOUISE: Yes?
\nSTU: Will we ever see each other again?
\nLOUISE: No.
\nSTU: You seem very sure.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ll make very sure.
\nSTU: I shan\u2019t forget you.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019d better try.
\nSTU: I can\u2019t.
\nLOUISE: You\u2019re making this harder for both of us.
\nSTU: I\u2019m sorry – I still love you.
\nLOUISE: I\u2019ll put the kettle on.<\/p>\n

[LOUISE leaves for the kitchen.]<\/p>\n

STU: [quietly to himself] Milk and no sugar, please.<\/p>\n

Music 11: WE\u2019VE GROWN INTO MEN<\/strong><\/p>\n

WHAT IS IT, OR WHO IS IT
\nTHAT MAKES US HAVE TO FEND
\nOFF WHAT WE KNOW
\nAND WHAT WE FEEL?
\nIF OUR LOVE IS TRUE, IS IT
\nTHE ANSWER TO PRETEND
\nTHAT IT\u2019S NOT SO,
\nTHAT IT\u2019S NOT REAL?
\nWHAT IS THE POINT OF ALWAYS INVENTING
\nTHINGS WHICH WE KNOW ARE UNTRUE?
\nWHAT IS THE POINT OF MISREPRESENTING
\nWHAT YOU FEEL FOR ME AND WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU?<\/p>\n

WHEN WE WERE MUCH YOUNGER
\nIT WAS EASIER TO SEE
\nAND TO EXPLAIN
\nWHAT WASN\u2019T FAIR.
\nBROKEN TOYS OR HUNGER
\nOR A GRAZED AND BLEEDING KNEE
\nWERE EASY PAIN
\nTO HAVE TO BEAR.
\nA NOTE FROM A GIRL THAT YOU\u2019D CARRIED BOOKS FOR
\nPROVED THAT SHE LOVED YOU FOR SURE;
\nBUT AS YOU GROW UP, YOU FIND NO ONE LOOKS FOR
\nWHAT\u2019S SIMPLE IN LIFE; \u2018CAUSE THAT\u2019S IMMATURE.<\/p>\n

AS WE GROW, THERE\u2019S PLENTY
\nTHAT WE LOSE, AND LESS AND LESS
\nTHAT WE HAVE WON,
\nAND STILL WE GROW.
\nAS WE GET PAST TWENTY
\nWE CAN SEE THE KIND OF MESS
\nWE HAVE BEGUN;
\nWHERE DO WE GO?
\nWE KEEP GROWING UP, UNTIL WE TURN THIRTY,
\nWHAT DO WE LOOK LIKE BY THEN?
\nA HANDFUL OF DREAMS, CORRUPTED AND DIRTY,
\nARE ALL WE HAVE LEFT; WE\u2019VE GROWN INTO MEN.<\/p>\n

[The front doorbell rings. LOUISE answers.]<\/p>\n

ISABEL WALKER: Hello. Isabel Walker from the Sunnyside Project.<\/p>\n

LOUISE: Oh, come in. Come in. I\u2019m sorry the house is in such a mess. Reggie!
\nReggie, Miss Walker\u2019s here. From the Sunnyside Project. Reggie!
\n[growing anxious] Reggie!<\/p>\n

[Blackout. LOUISE, tightly lit, steps forward and addresses the audience directly.]<\/p>\n

I found the note slipped under Reggie\u2019s last jigsaw. [producing the note and reading] \u201cLove, This isn’t how it was meant to be. You’re so young and beautiful. I only ever wanted you to be happy. You\u2019ve got to believe that. Go find yourself a life. God knows I couldn’t give you one. Stu’s not a bad lad. Bit dozy, but I reckon he’ll show you the happiness you deserve. More than I ever managed. Don’t bother telling my aunt Essie unless she asks. Say it was an accident. Whatever’s easiest. She’s 82 so there’s no point upsetting her. I love you with all my heart. I always have done. Don\u2019t you ever forget that, but enough\u2019s enough. Thanks for the happiest days I\u2019ve ever known. Your daft old bugger, Reggie x\u201d<\/p>\n

[letting the note drop to her side] We\u2019ve got a north-facing garden. You don\u2019t fully appreciate what that means until you\u2019ve got one yourself. No sun. Ever.<\/p>\n

[Blackout.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Book and lyrics by Laurence Roman Music by A R Cox Additional music by Laurence Roman Characters: REG LOUISE – REG\u2019s wife STU – their friend ISABEL WALKER – a journalist [The action takes place on the ground floor of REG and LOUISE\u2019s house. We can see some of the garden. Before the front door […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":11,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-442","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/442","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=442"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/442\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":525,"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/442\/revisions\/525"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenceroman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}